"Our dreamer, where are you, what do you think of?" Too often, Sandra hears this question in her childhood, during her youth, but also in adulthood. But Sandra didn't dream. «As a child I felt like I was different. I couldn't concentrate well, often had memory problems, »says Sandra. In retrospect, these were signs of their epilepsy.
Breaked training dream
Sandra is a good student in primary school and creates the transfer to high school. Unfortunately, due to her illness - not discovered at the time - she keeps her memory down, so that she has to switch back to the secondary school. After the secondary school, she creates the admission to the preliminary course of the school school, but cannot conclude it - even though it is very creative. It cannot remember the amounts of fabric. «I already had the first seizures back then, but not as bad as later. But not even my mother believed me - she was overwhelmed by my conditions. In addition, in the 1980s you didn't know that much about epilepsy. She thought I had a mental illness. »
Sandra breaks off the preliminary course, gets to know her future husband and becomes a mother for the first time at the age of 23. At the age of 25, she lets the suspicion of epilepsy first be clarified neurologically-the result is not clear. «I briefly took a medication for epilepsy, but I got a strong rash. The medication was still very strong in the eighties and not as individually dosed as today. Inside, I opposed the medication and against it to recognize the disease. I've suppressed it for a long time. "
Fulfilled professional space
Sandra gets another child. Shortly afterwards, at 27, she begins an apprenticeship a second time. Your career goal: kindergarten teacher. «Fortunately, it was still possible at the time without becoming a kindergarten teacher. I went through the training - with two small children at home. And despite the not diagnosed epilepsy. » After training, she works full -time while her husband looks after the children at home and does the household. Marriage is anything but happy, her husband practices physical and psychological violence. Nevertheless, the couple stays together for 23 years.
Although Sandra has been stressed several times, she works for 20 years as a kindergarten teacher: «I have worked full-time for many years, was always the main teacher, had a lot of parents' talks and meetings. When I was free in the afternoon, I am often home and slept for at least two hours. Or I had an epileptic seizure without knowing that I had one. Basically, I was always very exhausted after the seizures. » What drives and lets Sandra drives through is love for her social and at the same time creative profession. «I am already playing with the children in the forest when nobody has done it. And I could paint or tinker with them for hours. That was my withdrawal and my rescue, »she says in retrospect.
Increased seizures
Towards the end of the nineties, Sandra condensed the signs of epilepsy. The conditions that can hardly be put into words are piling up. «Most of the time, an epileptic seizure with severe déjà vus started. I had the feeling with my whole body that I had lived through a situation before. The attacks were accompanied by nausea, which rose from the belly area. My eyes were rigid, I could no longer speak and sank into myself. It is difficult to say how long this condition lasted - maybe two to three minutes. For me an eternity, because fear of death was part of the seizures. This is not surprising, because an attack also affects the Amygdala brain region. And that regulates the bump. " It also happens outside the house that Sandra collapses. «Once I was just able to stay before the post. Viewed from the outside, an attack can have a frightening effect. I had to breathe deeply and heavily on the massive seizures and gave inhuman tones from me, »she explains. Sandra is disappointed that hardly anyone offered her help during or after a seizure. "People just gun, but don't do anything," she says resigned.
Relieving certainty
During this time, Sandra talks to her cousin about her conditions. She takes them seriously and encourages them to have medical clarifications carried out. In 2012, Sandra was recorded for several days of epilepsy monitoring in the Epi Clinic Zurich after a positive preliminary discussion. It is then clear: Sandra has epilepsy. The doctors told her that she had the supervision of those who have been exhausted and therefore could no longer work as a kindergarten teacher. «Only that pulled the ground away under my feet. After all, I loved my job. But then I was relieved. Now I had an explanation for my conditions and also the medical permission to no longer have to work. »
Difficult times
Despite the relief diagnosis, little for Sandra in the coming years: she reduces her workload as a kindergarten teacher and makes retraining for "German as a second language" (DAZ) for children with a migration background. Sandra takes medication for epilepsy, but still has seizures regularly.
Between 2017 and 2019, Sandra is repeatedly on sick leave for a long time. So often that daily allowance no longer pays. «While I could hardly work, more and more anti-epileptics were prescribed. I took up to 600 mg a day. At the same time, I was plagued by fears of existence and depressive phases, »she says, and tears climb her eyes. The emotional stress and stress are so great that Sandra is running out her first, so -called dissociative, epileptic seizure at that time. She just manages to call the outpatient clinic. Her arms and legs cramped in the ambulance vehicle so that she could no longer move. After repeating such seizures, Sandra in January 2019 points out to a special clinic in Arlesheim for psychiatric treatment. "My condition was so bad that I thought of suicide," she looks back. Sandra is good for the stay. She then finds the strength to "emigrate" to her two children living in Spain in autumn 2019. Unfortunately, there are such severe conflicts with the children that Sandra returns to Switzerland after three quarters of a year.
Constant trigger
The conflict with her children produced old trauma, which Sandra strain so heavily that from the summer of 2020 it suffers a dissociative, epileptic seizure for around two years. Therefore, she cannot compete with a new place she had applied. «The trigger for seizures - viewed from the outside - were tiny. It could happen that I had a seizure when I cleared things from a bracket box from my emigration. When an olive oil bottle was labeled Spanish. Or when someone spoke Spanish on the street, »she explains.
Ended nightmare
In 2021 Sandra began trauma therapy, in which she works up violence by her father, her husband and other bad experiences. And she finally gets an IV pension, which takes a lot of load from her shoulders. Sandra gradually feels better - and the epileptic seizures also become less. When her son returns to Switzerland, they approach again. He - who also lives with the diagnosis of ADHD and suffers from neuropathic pain after a brain stroke - recommends therapy with cannabis. Sandra's neuro login and epilepto login agree and writes a recipe for her: «At the moment I take four drops of a THC CBD oil in the morning. And I smoke a joint before falling asleep. So I am relaxed and can sleep through in contrast to earlier. The anti-epileptics cause me a slight sleep. With the result that I was often sleepy and strained. A vicious circle that resulted in many seizures. Since I smoke cannabis before sleeping, I've been free of seizure. » At the same time, Sandra can reduce the dosage of her epilepsy medication to currently 300 mg per day. Their goal is to be able to make do without anti-epileptics in the long term.
Sandra has also rescheduled the contact with the daughter, who still lives in Spain. «I am very happy, she is pregnant. That brought us closer again. " It seems to be constantly upward for Sandra. She even receives a cost language for the cannabis medication from her health insurance company. «I can only recommend everyone with epilepsy to clarify to gut cannabis therapy to him or her. If I had started with it earlier, I would have saved me a lot of epileptic seizures and a lot of suffering. »
