Tanja cares for others. She has done so since she was a child. She cushioned her mother's manic episodes, looked after her little sister, and was a pillar of support for her family when her father died of lung cancer.
Tanja learned the hard way at 16 that she had to take care of herself when meningitis paralyzed her body for four months. She suffered severe headaches, fever, was unable to move her limbs, and experienced extreme disorientation. "I was no longer able to control my arms and legs, and I couldn't speak a single intelligible word," Tanja recounts. She was hospitalized for almost a month. Although Tanja recovered, she had to drop out of her apprenticeship because she was absent too often due to her illness.
To focus on her career, she left home and completed a new apprenticeship as a childcare specialist, intending to then begin studying social pedagogy. But she was held back once again. This time it was the increasingly severe back pain. Despite her young age, Tanja was diagnosed with osteoarthritis in her back and also with lumbospondylosis. The pain in her back radiated down her legs, to the point where she could no longer feel them. "There were mornings when I couldn't even sit up straight on the edge of the bed—let alone get out of bed."
Tanja then spent a month in rehabilitation, which did her good. Besides simple physical activities like walking, she also tried CBD drops to alleviate the pain. However, the CBD had no effect on Tanja, apart from causing severe fatigue. THC drops then brought her relief. This active ingredient still helps her today to create distance from her pain.
A confusing clinical picture with no prospect of improvement
But after a few months, Tanja developed severe headaches, vertigo, and her joints became inflamed. The pain also returned to her back. Tanja could hardly concentrate on anything other than her condition. What was wrong?
The diagnosis Tanja has been living with for the past 10 years is multifaceted: severe fibromyalgia, Lyme disease, migraines, severe ME/CFS (chronic fatigue syndrome), and trigeminal neuralgia. Her condition is so complex that the underlying causes can no longer be addressed. To avoid the worst pain, she isolates herself, as noise, sudden movements, and light trigger dizziness and pain.
If she ventures outside, she risks her body collapsing and her losing her sense of direction. This condition can last for a few hours or even several days. To prevent such a collapse, Tanja, on her doctor's advice, always carries a joint with her. At the first sign of symptoms, a few puffs of cannabis can ward off the overwhelming dizziness and numbing pain.
"Cannabis gives me quality of life"
Cannabis has several effects on Tanja: After one or two puffs of a joint, she can alleviate her morning dizziness and nausea, thus preventing vomiting. Furthermore, cannabis helps her to mobilize herself and get up in the morning using her own strength. She can then gain more energy and distance from the pain by using a bit more THC (half to a whole joint). Especially when her failing nervous system triggers severe headaches, a joint helps Tanja to clear her head.
A constant level of THC in her body allows Tanja to be on her feet for about two to four hours a day. But the more she does, the more intensely the pain returns as soon as she lies down afterward. From then on, mostly only rest helps—total isolation from light, noise, and other stimuli. Cannabis helps Tanja cushion these energy crashes and fall asleep more easily.
Like many people who use cannabis for therapy, Tanja can still vividly recall the first time she took the medication: "After the first two puffs of a joint, I felt reborn. I felt like I could move mountains." (A remarkable statement from a woman who often lacks the strength to sit up in bed in the morning.)
It took her a while to find a source of high-quality cannabis, because quality determines how well the remedy works. She accepts this inconvenience in order to overcome her many hardships.
A game of hide and seek
To get through the day, Tanja maintains a certain THC level. She only tells her closest circle about her frequent use of this medication. When she meets with distant relatives, friends, or acquaintances, she forgoes her medication. "As a cannabis patient, I still feel a certain amount of shame. Many people still see the medication as something negative and therefore view me as a lazy stoner," she explains.
But Tanja's story doesn't fit the image of a lazybones, but rather that of a fighter. Despite extreme limitations, she appears positive and caring. When asked how she manages it, she says: "I force myself to move and go outside, even if I only manage it for five minutes. I know I need that for my mental health." She enjoys this brief time in daylight to the fullest: "You learn to appreciate the little things more than when you're healthy." (Box)
Tanja is battling several illnesses at once, which makes her medical condition confusing and a cure impossible.
